Here I sit in a squeaky swivel chair, holding a textbook, dreading the morning. I have a final exam tomorrow and no matter how much I’ve studied I still feel this tightness in my chest. The feeling comes in waves. I push them down as quickly as I can. I stare at the page; I’m halfway through the paragraph before I realize I have no idea what I just read. Another wave of worry comes, I stuff it down, and decide to take a short break. “That will help,” I tell myself. I get up, go to the kitchen, and grab a can of mixed nuts from the cupboard. I choose my place on the couch and orient myself toward the television. Almost automatically, I flip to Netflix, choose some new zombie show, and escape. It works surprisingly well—for a time.

>53 minutes and a large can of mixed nuts later.<

I sit there, in front of a blank television screen, and I’m greeted by the feeling from earlier—an ugliness in the pit of my stomach. Only now it’s accompanied by procrastination guilt, a stomach ache, and seasoned with extra spicy desperation. I carefully remove myself from the couch, return to my room, and choose my place in the swivel chair. I stare at the book—same page, same problem, same feeling. This is anxiety in all of its complex glory. It has the power to motivate us toward victory or cripple us toward defeat. 

But what is anxiety and where does it come from?

Anxiety is simply the word we’ve given to describe a range of similar human experiences. Anxiety is often something we consider uncomfortable, unwanted, and unhelpful. It’s a word that means something different to everyone. For some anxiety is “butterflies” before an exciting event. For others anxiety is a parasitic demon intent on slowly crippling them and feasting upon their misery and feelings of failure. Yikes.

Before exploring its origins we have to define it. As Albert Einstein once said, “Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.” And if we are struggling with our anxiety we are most certainly seeking peace within.

Let’s examine 4 truths about anxiety.

1. Anxiety is our brain's interpretation of physical experiences related to the “fight, flight, or freeze” (sympathetic nervous) response.

At its core, “anxiety” is the conscious awareness we’ve given to the presence of our activated “fight, flight, or freeze” response. This sympathetic nervous response is responsible for various physical changes in the body and it is triggered in response to perceived threats (either immediate or long-term). 

The fight or flight response can do some or all of the following:

• Narrow our vision and blind us to peripheral information

• Increase our heart rate and blood pressure

• Reduce immediate pain sensation

• Increase focus

• Slow or delay digestion

• Reduce appetite

• Make it harder to fall or stay asleep

• Cause us to lose bladder or bowel control

We are actively using our conscious brain—the “self-aware-that-I’m-alive-and-thinking” part of our brain—to interpret these physical sensations, assess them, and choose ways to respond or react to them. We examine what is happening in our environment and identify the perceived threats. This whole process can happen in less than a second. The sympathetic response is often triggered subconsciously and outside of our awareness. We (our conscious brain) notices the change in our body and begins to look for ways to satisfy it or “fix” it.

2. Anxiety is experiential. 

We each have our own unique relationship with, definition of, and tolerance for anxiety. Anxiety opens up the important question of “nature” vs. “nurture.” Anxiety can be influenced by biological factors, including genetic predispositions. It is also something that changes significantly with how we are raised. Much of how we experience anxiety is a learned interpretation of our fight or flight response. As children we learned to relate to the feelings of anxiety in different ways. We observed our caregivers or peers as they responded to these feelings; we modeled our behavior around them. 

• We may have learned to ignore anxiety. We should “man up” and disregard it.

• We may have learned to react strongly, focus upon, and trust our anxiety or fear. When we feel anxious it is an indication that things will go wrong; we have to work to control things to stop feeling this way. Most individuals with “control issues” are often exerting control as a way to cope with anxiety. 

• We may have learned that anxiety is not something we can ignore or work through, but we shouldn’t have to feel this way. We can erase these feelings with certain behaviors or substances. 

As we examine our relationship with anxiety we may notice some of our underlying beliefs or interpretations of this feeling. Do we believe anxiety is a bad and should be avoided? Do we believe that feeling anxious means our world is sinking and we desperately need to plug the holes in the ship? Do we even recognize that we feel anxious or have we ignored it and disregarded it? Are we burying it with mixed nuts and zombie television?

3. Anxiety is essential to survival

The physical sensation of anxiety guides us toward action to remove or manage stressors. The discomfort of anxiety is our brain’s tool to initiate our conscious mind into action. When functioning properly, a feeling of anxiety or fear about failing an upcoming exam should encourage studying and preparation. Anxiety is a feeling that seeks to be tamed through action. Or to state it differently, it wants us to fix problems or prepare things so we can finally relax. This is why anxiety is often described as a “painful” or uncomfortable emotion. It wants to be tamed or reduced.

Let’s look at an example without a normal fight or flight response. 

In this example, we encounter a big momma Grizzly bear while we are deeply under the influence of a medication (like benzodiazepines) that deafens our fight, flight, or freeze response . We won’t feel fearful because our body won’t allow it. Our body stays sedated and our conscious is not triggered to assess for threat. We see Pooh bear. So there we stand—feeling fine—and get mauled to death by (what we thought was) a cartoon from the Hundred Acre Wood. We need anxiety to keep us from true danger and take action when necessary. It motivates us to assess and act by creating discomfort.

4. Anxiety can be harmful to our ability to thrive

Anxiety is not without its costs. If you’re here reading this you may already have firsthand experience. When our anxiety isn’t turning us into superhuman bear-fighters it can cause some serious long-term damage to our health, our careers, and our relationships. You may know the phrase “stress is the silent killer.” There is some truth there. What happens when we feel anxious when there are no threats? Our conscious mind will struggle to accept that our world is safe because it doesn’t feel safe. It becomes easy to believe thoughts that we are in danger and that things will go poorly for us. When we feel this way constantly it can have a big impact. 

This feeling can be an overwhelming discomfort. Many who try to manage this feeling are led to some costly avoidance behavior like addiction and procrastination. We want to do anything to stop feeling this way. Anxiety can encourage us to try to control too much. Functioning properly, anxiety encourages us to prepare for the future. We see storm clouds and begin to chop wood for the winter. When our anxiety is excessive, we may try to control our spouses, our neighbors, and our bosses. 

So which is it? Is my anxiety helping or harming? Your anxiety can be both of these things depending upon who you are and what circumstances you find yourself in. Anxiety can push us to achieve great things, but simultaneously rob us of the satisfaction by leaving us with a constant worry about “not being good enough.” Anxiety can save us from bears, but cause us to fumble over our words during an important speech. Anxiety can help us focus to meet important deadlines, but make it feel impossible to sleep before an important exam. 

Where does my anxiety come from?

This is an excellent question and I worry that you may not like the answer. “It depends.” Anxiety is complicated because we all define it differently, experience it differently, and our circumstances/environment are constantly changing. In any given moment our triggered fight or flight response could be attributable to genetics, physical illness, post-traumatic stress, distorted thinking, the effects of substance use, our environment, or a cocktail of these things.

The source of our anxieties, and more importantly how to manage, relate to, and sometimes accept them, are often things we discover through exploration with a good therapist. If your therapist is skilled, they should help you gain a deep insight and awareness into these feelings. Therapy should help you navigate uncomfortable feelings, choose effective responses, and ensure that your anxiety reflects true threat and moves you to act.