How do I find a therapist for my teenager?
Finding the right help for your teenager can be difficult. Consider these things to make it easier.
Being a teenager can be complicated. It’s like their first car being a Bugatti Chiron (powerful). The teenage body and brain have developed rapidly. Their potential is often times far beyond their current ability to drive that supercar. It can be hard to navigate as a teenager. As parents, we want to help, but can be limited by our own experiences and our capacities. We wear many different “hats” with our teens at the same time—acting as disciplinarians, cooks, financial planners, protectors, maids (hopefully not), laundromats, and a slew of others. Some of these hats interfere with our ability to help our teen navigate life and develop important skills.
We want our teenager to excel and gain independence. Struggles with mental health, productivity, addiction, and identity can be the barriers to their external success and feelings of internal wellbeing. It is not our failing as a parent, nor our teenager’s failing, that might lead us to look for something that could help.
Connecting our teenager with a therapist or counselor is an excellent way to help them explore their experiences, develop skills to manage them, and gain insight into things that are, truthfully, best explored with skilled individuals outside of the family unit.
So if we think therapy might be helpful for our teen, what next?
Have a teen who is struggling? Here’s how you can help.
1) Ask your teen what they think about working with a therapist
One of the most important steps—one that I recommend being your first step—is to begin the conversation with your teenager before presenting them possible options for therapists or counselors. They might have some preconceptions about therapy or counseling—they might fear that going to a therapist means they are “broken” or we are disappointed in them. Often times some of these apprehensions about therapy can be a symptom of the depressive or anxious issues they struggle with.
We have a few goals in having this conversation with our teenager. We want to normalize talking about mental health and therapy. Even if they aren’t struggling, therapy can be an excellent way to help them refine their plans for the future and develop healthy habits. If they are struggling, we want them to be comfortable coming to us even if they have difficulty or choose not to share the “why” of their struggle. Sometimes the “why” is unknown to them, and best explored in therapy. Embarrassment, shame, and confusion can make it especially difficult for your teen to open up to you about the specifics. This isn’t your failing as a parent; it’s just how the experience can be for teens.
Another goal for this conversation is to gauge their interest in meeting with someone who could help. Engagement, openness, and trust are incredibly important predictors of success in therapy. If our teen isn’t open to therapy, progress will almost always be limited. A good therapist will build trust and rapport quickly, but our goal as parents is to start creating a space that nurtures openness and trust with a professional. Transparency can be helpful here. Treat your teen as capable of making their own decisions. Consider doing so by allowing them to have final choice of their own therapist; let them know it will be okay to try a new therapist if they don’t feel it is a good fit. These strategies can help set the stage for success.
Our final goal in asking our teen what they think about working with a therapist is to get a better idea what kind of Therapist they might like. Therapists specialize in many different areas. Some Therapists work exclusively with individuals struggling with substance use disorders (addictions)—some exclusively with individuals who struggle with anxiety. Some specialize with particular populations, perhaps specializing in working with teens! For example, as a therapist I specialize in working with individuals (specifically teens) who struggle with anxiety. Sometimes a therapist who specializes in a specific issue can be the right fit, other times it will be about finding someone who is able to establish engagement and trust quickly. Ideally, you find someone who your teenager connects with and has the skillset to help them meet their goals.
2) Look locally, search online, and ask trusted providers for referrals
Now comes the footwork of identifying some individuals who might be a good fit for your teenagers needs. If you and your teen are open to telehealth video sessions, your options open up significantly. As long as the individual is licensed in your state, they would likely be able to provide services for your teen.
One of the best avenues to find a therapist is the website www.psychologytoday.com. PsychologyToday is a directory of therapists, searchable by location, state, and specialty. Have your teen spend some time alone, or perhaps together, to identify some good options for a therapist or counselor.
Another good option is looking for local therapists by utilizing a search engine. Click this to take you to a search that may bring up some local therapists for you.
Another good option is to ask trusted providers in your area (primary care physicians, dentists, teachers, guidance counselors) if they have any recommended therapists.
Now that you’ve identified a few good options. Reach out to ensure they have availability on their caseload, and if they do — consider utilizing free consultations. Many, but not all, therapists and counselors will offer a free consultation.
3) Utilize free consultations to learn more
I consistently preach this, but utilize free consultations with therapists and counselors. Treat this time as an opportunity for your teen to take ownership of the process of choosing their therapist or counselor. As a therapist, I am intentional about encouraging individuals to schedule a free 30-minute video consultation before committing the time, money, and emotional resources to an initial assessment.
Note: If you are in Michigan, feel free to reach out to me if you think I may be a good fit.
After collaborating with your teen on identifying some options for therapists, don’t be afraid to help with handling some of the details regarding scheduling, setting up a consultation, and asking questions about payment. Handling this step may remove a difficult upfront barrier for your teen.
To learn more about therapy consultations, click here.
4) Keep these important goals in mind
Not to put pressure on you, but it’s important to be mindful in navigating these situations. Commonly when working with adults I will learn about their negative experiences in therapy or counseling as an adolescent. Many times it seemed related to the therapist being a poor fit for their needs or their parents forcing them into it. Keep these things in mind and you will create the conditions for success for your teenager:
Allow your teenager to have ownership of the process—to choose and to change
Respect their privacy once therapy begins (unless safety is a major concern)
Set healthy expectations of therapy for yourself and for them (be patient with the process, it may not be “easy,” and sometimes the desired goals for therapy change over time—for example)
Focus on maintaining mutual respect, trust, and healthy boundaries with your teenager throughout the process
As long as you keep these things in mind, the worst outcome is that you are setting a foundation for your teen to engage in helpful and meaningful therapy later in their life.
Although these tips aren’t exhaustive, hopefully they set you on the right path. If our teens do have a Bugatti Chiron for their first car, let’s help them drive it safely and effectively.
If you have any questions or comments; I encourage you to leave them below.
